The in-laws were up for the weekend to help us put on a little housewarming thingy, which went quite nicely. Last night Ibu took Leen aside and surprised her with the following question:
“Do you love your husband?”
Duh, Leen thought, and said something to that effect.
“Then, if you really love him,” Ibu continued, “make him stop riding that bicycle to work!”
The reaction to my new hobby has really floored me. I knew riding my bicycle 20 km to work three times a week would raise some eyebrows, but some people are really having a difficult time accepting it.
“Even Banglas ride motorcycles when they can,” said Ibu. That wasn’t the first time my in-laws suggested I ride a motorcycle instead.
OK, first of all: a bicycle has two wheels; a motorcycle also has two wheels but goes a lot faster than a bicycle and doesn’t have to spend nearly as much time in the lane (as opposed to on the shoulder) as a bicycle. On what planet is a motorcycle safer than a bicycle?
Second: I think this is less about my safety than about face. It seems I shouldn’t ride a bicycle simply because I don’t need to. Leen’s been walking to work twice a week (2.5 km, but still), and that provoked a similar reaction from Ibu, something about how dentists just don’t walk to work.
Well you know, we went and forgot where we parked our Lincoln Navigator. Silly us.
Anyway, my method of getting to work might not seem too silly in the new year, when the two tolls I would have to drive my car through ten times a week go up 30 sen each. (Speaking of strong reactions, I’d love to post a photo of a fine work of art my colleagues and I whipped together, which involved a newspaper photo of Samy Vellu, something that looked like horns and a cheesy moustache, and a word balloon that mentions something about a hair transplant. But I’d hate to go to prison or get deported over something so silly.)
Another thing that provokes a surprisingly strong reaction from Malaysians is when a father takes his baby out alone. Oh my God, you mean the baby’s mother is somewhere else? But you’re a man! Can you handle it? Yesterday Leen was working in Puchong. I took Al to a clinic to get his latest shot, then I took him to Puchong to see his mommy. We had a great time together, and it was no trouble at all. I did OK, imagine that. And I don’t even have breasts. Thank God Leen is of the same mind as Dr. Miriam Stoppard, who points out in Conception, Pregnancy & Birth:
Your baby doesn’t have any notion about the difference between mothers and fathers. She just wants to be loved and cared for. Men can do these things just as well as women and caring for your baby helps build your relationship with her for the future. That fact alone makes a powerful argument for parenting being equal and shared.
OK, perhaps I should take this opportunity to admit that I was scared shitless when I first took Al out alone. But I did OK. Who’s your daddy now?
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11 Comments
Jordan;
Your father never took you guys out alone when you were small. You are breaking that cycle at least LOL.
You and Al will bond quite nicely and I am so proud of you :).
hugs, Mom
Alah, Jordan. Mintak Leen bagitau mak mertua kau tu: “Alah, Mak — Jordan tu orang putih; biasa lah, dia dengan kerja dia yang tak masuk akal tu.”
I mean, honestly. Nothing beats the “crazy white people” excuse.
Mom: well, who could blame him? Surely you remember what we were like. Hehe. T-Boy: interestingly enough, I’ve found that often works.
I don’t think your riding a bike to work is ridiculous. It’s economic - takde belanja duit minyak & tol, environmental friendly, takkan kena saman - sebab takde no pendaftaran, takde cukai jalan takde insurans, langgar kereta org takper, asalkan jgn dilanggar kereta.
I just won’t do it (for now) bcoz I already have a two-wheeled vehicle. Duit minyak tak byk pun, boleh tuntut elaun untuk ‘mileage’ (making profit plak tu hehe) and my notebook is 10kg! haha
On taking your baby out alone, u’ve just shown a good example. When I have my own baby, I’ll let him ’stick’ on me (macam monyet or little cicak-man) while I still have the chance (until he’s 2 or 3 years old). Nanti dia dah besar umur 20 tahun takde laaa rasa macam teringin nak peluk anak sebab tak puas peluk masa dia kecik.
Keep it up. Jangan pedulikan apa org nak kata, bukan anak org lain pun… In Asia, father don’t have much time to show his fatherly love. Konon sibuk dgn kerja. Anak tanya soalan pun malas nak layan. Don’t adapt to this culture. It’s sad.
Bapak alaf baru… heheh…
Yeah, Fische got funny looks when he came out of the changing room at the R&R (eventhough the changing room is separate from the toilet, it was strategically placed next to the women’s toilet). We also found that many changing rooms in KL are placed IN the women’s toilet, which makes it more difficult for him to do his ’share’ of bonding.
I agree w Dr Stoppard. We made it a point from early on to both take care of Idris’ basic needs. Eventhough Fische can’t breastfeed (although these days, I often find myself wondering.. hehe), he can change diapers, bathe him, and now, feed him solids. It’s obvious Idris appreciates it from the way he gets excited when he hears the door unlock at the end of the day. Babies can’t tell the difference between the mother and the father till much later, but he can distinguish between his parents and other people.
Keep up the cycling. When Al is bigger, you can take him along (Fische has been dreaming of this for a while now, with all the bikes zipping past us every weekend with cute little tykes stuck at the back of sweating, albeit very fit, daddys).
why don’t ya compromise?
bycycle to the most practical LRT/Comutter station or Bus and taxi stop to work?
*hmm… two ‘real canadian blog are down… must be something to do abou the holocasut conference?’*
Nizar: right on!
Najah: so Fische has breasticles now, eh?Well a little cycling should clear that right up. Although I have to admit, so far I think I’ve actually become fatter than I was pre-cycling. I guess it’s time for another new hobby: healthy eating.
Kuku Man: Actually, that was the original plan. I was going to buy a folding bicycle, ride it to the KTM station, then ride the train to work, taking the bike with me. But then the guy at the bike shop told me I’m too tall for the folding bike, and I guess he was right (I think I’d look like one of those circus bears if I were to ride it).
So now, what the heck, I just ride all the way (there’s no way I’m leaving my bike at the KTM station).
Just do both and you will be fine
I love that book with the train always saying “I think I can” It is a great title for this post. Concerning Bicycling, my uncle is even more intense–he biked from Texas to Iowa and he was over 60 when he did it. Seriously. He got his photo in the local paper and everything.