Yesterday I was sitting at Starbucks in 1U, surfing the Internet and trying to get my java chip frappuccino to last as long as possible, while a couple with a small baby sat at the next table. The baby was darn cute and kept looking over in my direction and making little smiley faces and cooing sounds. Leen was sitting across from me for a while, looking up from her parenting magazine every few seconds to make her own smiley faces and cooing sounds. At the baby, not me, but it didn’t matter, it’s cute either way. Then she went off strolling around because she said she needed to go for a walk, but I could see through that ruse. She’s ‘nesting’ these days, so I knew she’d be in the nearest baby-stuff store running up the credit cards. So there I sat, sucking air from the bottom of that java chip frappuccino, thinking about my wife and babies and all that stuff.
Actually, I’ve been thinking about that all the time lately. About the fact that there really is a baby in there, that soon he’s going to come out and we’re going to be parents. Sure, people have been doing this stuff for as long as there have been people, and maybe a lot of parents-to-be snap out of this whole oh-my-God-we’re-gonna-be-parents thing after a short time. But we’re still gaping at each other several times a day and shaking our heads in wonder; we’re still getting all giggly and excited and silly. I think that’s great. It shows I’m keeping a promise I made to myself a long time ago: to never lose that sense of awe and wonder that children have. I think we really go downhill when we toss that out. Some people trumpet that old saying, ‘when I became a man, I put away childish things.’ But I like to point out that there’s a difference between putting something away and throwing it away.
I may be in touch with my inner child, but that hasn’t prevented me from thinking about getting old. I’ve been thinking a lot about aging (or, if you’re British, ageing). I never used to think about it, but ever since that evening in 2002 when I was walking down a Halifax street and an acute awareness of the passing of time hit me, I’ve thought about it at length. When I was 19, it felt like it had been an eternity since I was 14; suddenly I was 28 and it felt like only a short time had passed since I was 23. I instantly became more aware of my own mortality. A few short weeks later I was diagnosed with cancer, and it became impossible not to think about that end we will all face, especially as mine seemed to have a possibility of being scheduled a little earlier. I remained upbeat and did end up beating that cancer, but in the years since I’ve kept that sense of fascination for the aging process, not to mention a real appreciation of the time I’ve been given and the determination to use it wisely, be grateful for it, and always cherish it.
And cherish it I should. According to a recent article over at the CBC (like the BBC, but with more ice hockey stories), it’s all downhill after about 30. The optimist that I am, I’ll continue to cling to the ‘you’re only as young as you feel’ thing and draw inspiration from all those folks who age gracefully and seem younger than they are. Still, it’s hard not to feel a sense of urgency when I read an article that tells me I’m already well on my way to being old and decrepit and…well, dead. Especially when I’m about to take on parenthood.
A couple of weekends ago, Leen and I did something a little stupid: we went to Mid-Valley Megamall to see the movie Click. Despite what a lot of critics might have said, I don’t think seeing that movie was stupid. What was stupid was the fact that we voluntarily drove our car to the Mid-Valley Megamall on a Sunday afternoon. Anyone who knowingly points their car in the direction of such a parking nightmare just for the heck of it, rather than out of absolute necessity, is stupid. And paying 80 ringgit to sit in the ‘gold class’ cinema is stupid too, especially if you’re there to see a light comedy. Something heavy that runs for three hours and leaves you rattled for a week or two might have been worth 80 ringgit, but an Adam Sandler movie? Anyway, I really don’t think the movie was as stupid as critics said it was. What do critics know, anyway? They blasted M. Night Shamayalam’s Lady in the Water too, but I liked it and I think they only hated it because the only death in the whole movie was that of the stuffy, boring critic who didn’t know jack about movies. I felt the same way about Click that I did about Lady in the Water: it’s entertainment, so I simply allowed myself to be entertained, something film critics seem unable to do.
Don’t get me wrong, Click didn’t have me yelling, “Oscar!!!Oscar!!!” nor did I even whisper it, or even think it. But it was entertaining, if you are the type of person who would be entertained by the sight of Adam Sandler freezing time so he can jump up on his boss’s desk and let a wicked fart rip right in his face. Surprisingly, the movie was actually a little moving. A little. Yeah, Leen cried, but considering she’d also cried a couple of hours earlier while we were looking for a parking spot, I think hormones played a bigger part than Adam Sandler’s acting. But really, there was something…moving about that movie, if not that it was great (it wasn’t) then perhaps the fact that it touched upon my heightened awareness of the passage of time and the need to live well and live right.
For those who haven’t seen the movie, it’s about a guy who really wishes he could have a universal remote with which he can control everything. He only means the TV, DVD player, etc., but after a late-night visit to Bed Bath & Beyond and a meeting with a creepy-as-ever Christopher Walken, Sandler’s character ends up with a remote that he can use to freeze time and, best of all, fast-forward through unpleasant activities such as his daily traffic ordeal (hmmm…), arguments with his wife, and sicknesses. He’s loving it at first, but soon he begins to fast-forward through times he didn’t even mean to. It turns out his remote will remember his preferences, so he soon finds himself skipping over years of his life. He misses watching his children grow up and, since he’s on ‘autopilot’ during each fast-forward, he loses his wife too because during what he experiences as a fast-forward he is actually going through life in real time but like some sort of zombie. We watch him age, and he does so far from gracefully. It’s not a great movie, but watching this guy get older and older, while his whole life flashes by, really struck a chord. It can be scary to see your life passing you by like that. I know, I’ve been there. My father and I went nine years without speaking, a period that only ended when I did the most courageous thing I’ve ever done: I showed up at his door. I was just tired of being tired of us missing out on each other’s lives. And I was afraid we would get to a point where we’d missed it all and couldn’t turn back. So I just showed up at his door, despite the doubts and fears I still had. I’m proud of that. It took balls. Beating cancer? Nah, that only took one.
Now I’m about to embark on the amazing journey known as parenthood, and I’ve got to try to do it right. We stumble sometimes, and I know I probably will. But I’ll give it my best. I don’t know if Leen and I will be the best parents in the world, but I know we’ll try. And I’ve really got to try to take good care of myself, something I haven’t been doing lately. After all, I won’t be around forever. That’s OK, as long as I use what time I have wisely and really try to enjoy it. I think I can do that. After all, I may be slowly fading away like everyone else, but part of me will always look at the world with a child’s eyes, right up till the very end, whenever that may be. For now, I’m just trying to imagine what happens when someone who looks at the world through a child’s eyes actually looks into the eyes of his own child for the first time. Whoa. Excuse me while I try to wrap my head around that.
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23 Comments
Wow… it’s been awhile since I was here and you gonna have a baby!??!?! Congrats to Leen and you. Enjoy the ride, kids!!!
Last movie I went to was Revenge of the Sith. It’s really a must see on the big screen. Went alone without the wife. She had to take care of our first born.
Then we had the second baby. No more movies at the cinema. She just makes me feel all guilty with that
“buat anak nak je… tolong jaga sekali tak nak!!” speech.
So I had to settle seeing King Kong on the PC. (Bittorentted. But you did not read this from me.) It’s just really pathetic and sad watching the Big Ape that was only a teeny-weeny 12 inch tall.
So, paying 80 ringgit for cinema seats was probably not so stupid. Cause it’s probably THE LAST MOVIE YOU’LL EVER GET TO SEE!!!HA…!HA…!HA…!(Evil laugh)
Or at least the last one for a very long time. The next one will probably a Disney animation flick with your kids (Insyaallah).
i’d say movies from now on would be kids “G” rated movies. Frank has a whole load of children movies that it’s taken up most of the memory space on our computer. Go figure!
I had one of those “I will miss this time” moments when i was catching up with “Grey’s anatomy” with this little munchkin kicking up a storm in the belly. Can’t believe u guys going to be parents too!
How about bringing your heavily pregnant wife to watch more movies at the cinema? I’ve heard that babies borne on airplanes gets free rides fo life.
So, if you wife goes into labour on the cinema aisle, would it be possible that your kid will get free cinema passes for life?
That would be cool.
Faaris went for his movie when he was less than 2 mths old, I think? Or was it 3 mths?? It was one of those Star Wars movie.Can’t remember which one.
So, don’t worry. You can still go to movies after you have the baby. Plus, friends are there to babysit while you go out on dates with your wife.
I think I was still in pantang when we out for that movie.
I think I was still in pantang when we went out for that movie.
Jordan;
You and Leen are going to make wonderfull parents :). All that you both have gone through has made you stronger and although it will be hard especially without me there to help (dammit) I know you will be ok. I just wish I could be there but you know with the flying situation and my business it just isn’t possible.
hugs, MOM
But Jordan, Lady In The Water? I agree it wasn’t as bad as the American critics made it out to be, but… the boy… cereals… just ruined it for me.
James: You didn’t know? Hehe…that’s what I get for not pinging PPS in almost a year.
So, paying 80 ringgit for cinema seats was probably not so stupid. Cause it’s probably THE LAST MOVIE YOU’LL EVER GET TO SEE!!!HA…!HA…!HA…!(Evil laugh)
Hahaha…that’s what Leen and I told each other after paying for the movie. Small comfort I guess. Heh.
As for having a baby in the cinema…hmmm…so, if we time it just right…
Aida: Yeah, I’m sure you need all those movies, as week-old babies just love movies. Hahahaha…Anyway, yeah, it’s pretty cool that you and Leen will be giving birth about the same time, give or take a week or two. Frank and I will have to smoke cigars over the phone or something!
Azlin: I’m sorry, I think it’s crazy to take a baby to a movie. But yes, we’ll still be able to see movies once in a while. The baby doesn’t have to go everywhere we go. 99% of the time, yes, but there’s always that 1% of the time. And of course, there’s always DVDs, with that tiny little King Kong.
I think I was still in pantang when we went out for that movie.
Yeah, and also when you had to register the baby with JPN. I still think it’s nuts to take a baby to the cinema, but what the heck, if you’re going to be forced to leave the house and stand in a queue barely a week or two into your pantang, might as well get some entertainment out of it, eh?
Sashi: You’re not helping. Yes, that part about the cereal boxes sort of threw off my whole suspension of disbelief thing. And I still can’t figure out why all those people so willingly bought into what Cleveland came to them with. I mean, wouldn’t you have just told him that he’s out of his freakin’ mind? Oh god, look at me, I’m starting to pick it all apart. Yes, that would be easy. But screw it, it’s entertainment. Must…forget…cereal scene…
Starbucks, huh? :/
Mom: Well, hopefully you can get over here soon. Don’t worry about flying, just take care of the business and maybe soon you’ll be able to take some time off and come over. We’ll be waiting!
Mate, the feeling of awe and fear mixed doesn’t go away - it just morphs into something more managable - unless you have a beautiful daughter who all the boys will want. I am already lining up for a gun licence…
You will never really get over having kids. Sometimes they will drive you nuts (or is that nut?), but you’ll still sit back and love them for being ratbags. You just can’t help it!
See you soon!
hehehe..we’re nuts that way!
what about driving to the clinic to get immunization shot for faaris when i was still in pantang too! don’t look down on us women in pantang. ;)
but, yeah… don’t let leen do what i did. she deserves the rest and pampering.
MadDog: Looking forward to it!
Azlin: I don’t look down on women in pantang. I look down on men who don’t respect women in pantang. No worries, what happened to you would never happen to Leen.
Hi Jordan,
Have been reading ur blog for awhile but this is my first comment - or rather question: what’s happened to smokey?
I was happy to get out during that pantang month!!!
With Kaitlyn I was out Christmas shopping @ 2 weeks!! :p
And with Caleb we were in and out of Hospital due to his jaundice and lots of other stuff.. :) Would go crazy just staying in door all that time!! :) Aye Maddog!?!
Nora: Haah laa. dulu asyik cakap pasal smokey jek. Dah kena buang kot. hehe
Nora: Smokey’s safe and sound in Malaysia, staying with us at Leen’s aunty’s place in Kampung Melayu Subang. He has to stay in a cage most of the time because people are always coming and going from the house and there are lots of windows and doors for him to sneak out of. And we all know how he likes to get out and see the world! Of course, we let him out of the cage and spend as much time as we can with him each day.
Nizar: Hah!
Chiwi: I’m leaving it up to Leen. When she wants to go out, we’ll go out. It’s all good! Besides, I’m sure she’ll start to go crazy after a week or two.
;)
azlin/ chiwi - pantang cannot go out meh? when i deliver, it’s end of summer and beginging of autumn here and though weather is getting cold, i dont want to miss out on autumn, its suppose to be the “best” season of the year. how ar?
Speaking of pantang, here’s a true story:
A hospital in the UK. One Malay Malaysian couple, and one British couple. One day after delivery for both women.
Malay wife: Bang, aduh sakit, sakit. Tak boleh bangunlah bang. Sakit, sini, situ. Aduh…. (it goes on).
Malay husband: Napa minah omputih tu boleh pakai jeans, jalan ke sana-sini dalam wad?
Methinks, pantang in the east is overated and pantang in the west is underated. Just find our own middle ground! Take the best out of both cultures.
Yasmin/Anisah, you should write abt Malay/South East Asia pantang rituals. We do have good practices that help a lot with post partum depression. But, there are rituals that should be discouraged.Btw, that true story sounds so familair :P
Too many good/bad examples to be list out here. How abt a post on pantang, Jordan? Heck, I want to write abt it too.
I will definitely be posting something about pantang soon!